Darlings! I’m back, have you missed me? This week I’m writing about the DIY kits from Smokestak. Just how sexy does that sound?

So the great unwashed have all been to Zante and brought covid back and spread it all around, and quite possibly crabs too.

And now we need another lockdown to protect upper class Princesses like me. Great. Thanks. I am fucking overjoyed. My servant better not betray me this time.

However, this does mean that you should get a few more reviews from yours truly, of restaurant kits – and surely means that you should be getting out your wallets to keep the economy going. Eat A Restaurant Kit In To Help Out.

So this week I decided to try Smokestak. And by this week, I mean around three weeks ago but I’ve been too busy to write it up. By which I mean I have been snorting drugs every night, watching Netflix and then going to Mahiki. My life is soooooo cool.

Anyway, I need a break from the marching powder before I go all Daniella Westbrook (but much prettier), so time has come to write up my review of Smokestak.

Smoke out the ordering system

I had been trying to order from the Smokestak website for weeks, and every time I visited all I saw was “sold out”. On every product. Every week.

Smokestak DIY kit website

I eventually realised that in pretty damn small writing on the page before this page (which I never visited because I had the order page bookmarked) that it says “orders live every monday 1200 | cut-off time wednesday 1800 [ or when sold out ]”.

Once I’d worked out that I had to order on a Monday, I arrived on the website at 9am to find that I still couldn’t order. And then I realised that it also wasn’t live until midday. OK, that one was user error. Maybe not seeing the small text was user error also – though I do think their ordering page could really do with advising when orders are live. Not that I can talk with my shitty web designer still refusing to work until Daddy pays him – who refuses to pay until he finishes the job. Fucking Tories.

So the choice for me was between brisket bun box or the pulled pork bun box – thinking that these would most faithfully represent the offer at Smokestak. Not that I’ve been, even though it is in the up and coming Shoreditch, which one day might be almost as trendy as Kensington.

I decided to go for pulled pork because everyone raves about pulled pork – it is the latest thing here in London. Even cooler than ketamine with the cool kids. Priced at £31.95 including delivery, for 4 burgers.

I know some smoke stacks

What do you think when you see the name Smokestak?

I think of Scunthorpe.

Scunthorpe chimney

Believe it or not, there isn’t a bone in me that prefers Scunthorpe to Kensington. Just look at the air – some people think London is polluted, but it is an oxygenated paradise in comparison.

Then again, pulled pork in a vac pack isn’t exactly sexy.

Smokestak DIY kit

Friday night arrived – or was it Saturday night? All the nights tend to blur into one when you are a full-time blogger, trying to become rich and famous like Daddy. Anyway, whatever night it was, I opened the fridge and took out the ingredients ready to use with my limited cooking skills.

The cooking instructions were on the website, and included grilling the buns – took me a while to work out what the grill was, but I got there. Microwaving the barbeque sauce, placing pulled pork on bun and then coleslaw on top of that.

Smokestak DIY kit burger inside

It was actually quite easy, though I decided that using cold pulled pork was a bit weird, not to mention ugly, so I stuck that in the microwave for a couple of minutes – the second night of doing this I actually fried it, to give the pulled pork some crispness which really worked well.

The pulled pork itself was as sexy as you might expect from somewhere named after council estate residents in Scunthorpe. Smokey, juicy, occasionally crispy – at least on the second night. I am talking about the burger here.

The bun was good quality – had a crispness once toasted and didn’t fall apart.

Smokestak DIY kit burger

We are smoking

I also liked the coleslaw – neither the ginger or the chilli flavour were especially strong, and this allowed for the flavour of the pork to dominate.

More often than not, I find myself disliking the unusual sauces that come with these kits and also using too much of them, like I would ketchup on a salad. It isn’t normally their fault – I blame Scunthorpe. And the barbecue sauce wasn’t really my kind of thing.

Overall, I thought the pulled pork burger was one of the best burgers from DIY kits that I’ve had so far. Loving the imagination on the slaw, which worked so well with the pulled pork itself. Really do think they should update their instructions to suggest that people do cook the pulled pork a bit, as that really helped.

Value for money: 6/10
Ease of cooking/preparation: 7.5/10
Delivery: 9/10
Quality Of Ingredients: 9/10
Originality: 7.5/10
Flavour: 8.5/10
Wooness: 7/10

Which gives Smokestak an overall score of 77.8%. Definitely a Deliver Wooooooooooo!

Well I hope I did Smokestak proud with their sexy looking and sexy tasting pulled pork burger. I’ll definitely be ordering again at some point and hopefully once this pandemic hoohaa has calmed down, I’ll be going to the super trendy Shoreditch to experience their in house smoking.

Don’t forget to place your order…on Monday.

I’ll be back soon, darlings. Have one to write up though I’ve been so busy being a full-time blogger recently that I’m finding it so hard to find time to write.

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