Darlings! Welcome to very first edition of Deliverwoo. Or Deliver Woo or even DeliverWoo…I haven’t quite decided. Basically, this is your new weekly (ish) inspiration and entertainment slot by your beautiful host, reviewing things that can be delivered to you. Woo. Starting with Pizza Pilgrim’s Pizza In The Post.
But enough about the masquerade, I must tell you about myself as that is far more important. I’m Princess Woo – believe it or not, Woo is not my real name…I don’t think even I know my real name as Daddy…well…maybe he makes things up sometimes.
Yet I am officially a princess – well, in my eyes and Daddy’s eyes I am – you know, like Diana was before the murder though not like that bitch, Sarah. I cannot really elaborate any further, but let’s just say that unofficially I am an official princess.
So why have I started a blog? Well, I sit here every day, I see all these beautiful women with their blogs writing about restaurants, dresses, etc, and I like to think that I can write and inspired by watching people clapping the NHS, I thought that I should also try to use my life for something even more meaningful than drinking prosecco.
Since the government was persuaded to stop the diseased masses from gathering, this also meant that my favourite restaurants like Mahiki were closed so I’ve been having to eat at home. I’ve even cooked for myself! How cool is that? I wanted to get a chef to come round and cook for me, but it wasn’t easy…and then I found that some restaurants were sending cook at home kits. Woo! Woohoo! It’s all a bit…deliverwoo!
Hence the name. You get it, right? Deliver. Woo. I do expect my readers to be as intelligent as I.
And the first one I found out about was Pizza Pilgrims – who started a…could we call it a phenomenum? Pizza. In. The. Post. Daddy likes pizza.
Pizza In The Post – they have their own website, lucky them…well I do too but it’s a bit shabby as I’ve just had to use what they call a “theme” and I want something special of my own but my web designer is refusing to finish it because Daddy hasn’t paid him yet. I told him to think of the exposure he’ll get from doing it but he said he cannot pay his bills with exposure. Typical fucking Tory, no sense of community spirit…wouldn’t be like this if Corbyn had become PM…grrrr don’t get me started.
People are soooooo selfish, aren’t they? Anyway, Pizza In The Post – an amazing idea, they send you all the ingredients – the dough, tomato sauce (not Heinz, you plebs), basil, parmesan and mozzarella – you stick it in a frying pan, then under a grill – and boom – you have burnt pizza.
The kit is for 2 people, it costs £15 plus delivery, £5 on a weekday or £10 on a Saturday…and they suggest to cook it within 24 hours, so as I was planning to burn it on a Sunday, I spent a total of £25. Which I think is cheap…I mean, its 25% of the price of a gram…so it sounds good value?
Pizza In The Post Woo!
It was a sunny Sunday and at least 7 days since I’d had any coke, so I figured that I would be hungry enough – and who doesn’t want pizza for Sunday lunch? Well, it was more cloudy than sunny, but it was Sunday. In fact, right now, it is still Sunday as I type this paragraph, except as I finish this paragraph it is now Tuesday.
My accomplice arrived and we spent a bit of time topping up our respective sun tans and drinking beer – posh beer, of course, none of that supermarket trash…and then it was time to find out what a grill was.
This, my darlings, is a grill. I already knew what a frying pan is – I’ve seen them on television and I even own one myself – but did you know that ovens have grills inside?
And then difficulty struck. The website suggests some kind of pushing the dough on a floured surface using one’s fingers. Well, this didn’t go so well.
A second attempt was made with what my accomplice described as a “rolling pin”, which gave something more diamond-shaped than spherical, but who doesn’t want diamonds?
As you can see, preparing food is not exactly something I have skill with, and is something that I’ve had to come to terms with over the last few months.
Then one had to place it in a hot frying pan – that I could manage, then apply the tomato sauce, basil, parmesan and mozzarella. At this point I spent some time opening packs of chorizo and pepperoni slices to add to the pizza – from Waitrose, of course, the only common supermarket that one can permit their assistants to frequent.
At which point I forgot that it was only supposed to be in the frying pan for 1-2 minutes and I checked underneath…
Guess I won’t be getting a job as a pizza chef any time soon…though I have absolutely no intention of getting any job, unless Daddy’s American problems get worse. Besides being a blogger is a job. Fuck you, it is a job.
Burnt Pizza In The Post Woo…ish
2 minutes under the newly-discovered grill (I felt like I was a modern day Christopher Columbus with my discovery) and I had an edible but burnt pizza.
Don’t laugh at me.
I know, if I was served a pizza like that at Annabels, I’d throw it in their face and tell them to wipe their face clean in front of me whilst repeatedly chanting “Oh Jeremy Corbyn”. Before you say anything, I’m not a sadist, I would tip them.
Yet the Pizza In The Post pizza still tasted really nice, except for being burnt and the dough being too thick where I hadn’t managed to spread it, or whatever the technical term is.
If I had paid a chef to come and sort this out for me, then this would have been amazing. I guess that would defeat the point though…and defeat the point of having a blog.
DeliverWoo or DeliverWaa?
Honestly, despite what it looked like and that it tasted burnt, it was still really rather yummy and fun too. Quite messy but my cleaner is used to finding white powder on my kitchen surfaces come Monday morning…and she understands the difference in powders.
I guess we need some kind of scoring method.
Value for money: 8/10
Ease of cooking: 6/10
Quality Of Ingredients: 9/10
Which gives it a score of 82%.
I think that makes it a DeliverWoo!
You can order yours from Pizza In The Post – though I recommend getting your chef to cook it for you.
I’ll be back next week, the next mystery parcel has arrived and it is bad. Darlings, don’t forget to share – I’m new to this. Mwah.