I also had a friend visit me this week, honestly, he works for Waitrose – I think he’s the marketing director or something along those lines. I prefer to associate with super-important people, which is something I learnt from the wisdom of Daddy, though perhaps he could have been more careful in his choice sometimes.
Max, if you are reading, don’t you dare make shit up. Tell the truth – and I don’t mean the kind of truth that appears on any website with “truth” in its URL.
Sorry about that. Last week I messaged my friend to ask whether he wanted to do one of these restaurant kits and he never got back to me, apart from banging on about going to The Wetherspoons – which is a bit weird for a marketing director. No, I don’t go to The Wetherspoons.
So I ordered one anyway. Sometimes in life you have to force great ideas onto people. And ignore shit ideas like going to The Wetherspoons…I’m not going to meet any company directors there am I? There’s even a danger that I’d end up speaking to Tories. Yuck.
Honest At Home
Honest At Home doesn’t have the greatest plethora of choice – you can order 4 burgers or 4 burgers, one comes with standard buns and the other comes with gluten-free buns. Chicken? No. Vegetarian? No. Vegan? A ha ha ha ha ha. No. Nobody eats vegan burgers. Do they?
Actually I don’t often eat any burger. They remind me of Scunthorpe – sadly too many things do remind me of Scunthorpe. WHERE IS MY FUCKING VALIUM? My Kensington luvvies think a Burger King is someone that comes to London for the summer from the Middle East to drive a noisy supercar around.
Alas, as a child I had to beg Mother to at least allow us to eat at McDonald’s sometimes so I could have the cardboard nuggets. Maybe she didn’t want me to be thin?
So I hope you understand that I don’t quite have a love for burgers – though I was under the impression that Honest Burgers was a step up from Burger King in Scunthorpe. They don’t have an Honest Burgers in Scunthorpe yet. And nobody in Scunthorpe eats vegan burgers for sure.
Honestly, where is my web designer?
Unlike myself, Honest Burgers have a nice website – ordering was easy, just a click of a few buttons and there were multiple days when you could have it delivered – basically it would take two days from order to receipt. Super efficient! And again delivered by my fave delivery company, DPD. All I needed to do was buy some lettuce. Well, all I needed to do was order my servant to buy me some lettuce. From Waitrose, of course. DARLING.
So we got burger buns, cheddar slices, bacon, pickles, red onion relish and most importantly, chuck steak & rib cap burger patties. That ain’t no cheap shit from Burger King is it? Oh and a tote bag. Yet another tote bag. Why does every other company foist tote bags on me?
When I become rich and famous…or perhaps when Daddy becomes richer and hopefully less famous, I’m going to have a spare room for all my tote bags. How many tote bags does a princess need? Sorry Honest Burgers, but I’ll only be using my Prada outside the flat…not that I go outside with the common folk with that virus thing around and even the grannies looking like muggers.
Honestly, not another fucking tote bag
Saturday came and I had a few drinkies. Oopsie! And I tried to get Beatrice’s number to tell her how beautiful she looked. I do hope she gets back in touch with me, but you know what it’s like when people get married – suddenly they don’t need so many people in their life. And nobody would give me her number. But she did look stunning, didn’t she?
Anyway, it came to the point where I realised that I should attempt to cook whilst I could still read instructions – I didn’t actually fuck up anything this time. Well, not on the Saturday night…
Fairly detailed instructions for a burger – do you think this much effort goes in at Burger King in Scunthorpe? There were no dramas, I even successfully used a grill for the second time in my life.
And the cute burger in the bottom left of the instructions even guided me as to how to put it together.
In retrospect I should have photographed it so you could see the stack. But I didn’t. Sue me.
So the meat quality was absolute tops – I’d perhaps done it a tad too rare as there was a little blood in the middle, but the pattie didn’t crumble apart – miraculously the whole burger kept it’s consistency throughout and didn’t make a total mess. Props to the meat, and also the buns for allowing that to happen.
Bacon was decent – I think the cheddar was arguably a tad basic and I’d prefer something with a bit more European romance to it, like manchego – but I don’t think the purpose of the Honest At Home burger is to be exotic – this is their bog standard burger – yet this is a damn good standard of burger.
The red onion relish straight from the pot wasn’t my kinda thing, yet that and the pickles made the burger seem whole.
Honestly, I am not a photographer
Sweet potato wedges on the side were chef’s own – yes I can manage to chop a sweet potato and put it in the oven.
I was pretty damn chuffed. And yes, it was quite a step up from Burger King.
The next night, however, I cooked one of the remaining two burgers (I can see a future with lots of different burger patties in my freezer from ordering packs of 4 burgers) and didn’t quite manage to follow the instructions.
The point at which it said to season the burgers – I added the rosemary salt instead. And not just a sprinkling of rosemary salt. Why did rosemary salt come with the burgers? To put on any fries that you may make…and most certainly not to put on a burger.
Adding rosemary salt made the burger exceptionally difficult to consume. Learn my life lessons – stop collecting tote bags and don’t put rosemary salt on a burger.
Value for money: 7/10
Ease of cooking: 6/10 (well I fucked it up but the rosemary salt did confuse me)
Quality Of Ingredients: 8/10 (marked down a tad for the cheddmehar cheese)
Originality: 4/10 (well…burgers are not very imaginative)
Which gives it an overall score of 70%. And that is a clear DeliverWoo.
Where could it improve? Well, a burger isn’t very original in itself and there was not much imagination – yet there was deservedly a high score for both flavour and quality which are more important.
Value for money was reasonable, it cost £30 for 4 burgers which works out at a healthy £7.50 each. And wooness? Well, I still don’t really know what that means so you’ll have to bear with me on that one.
Lots to like at Honest at Home. And you can buy your kit here. You should buy your kit – especially if you live somewhere like Scunthorpe. LEARN WHAT A DECENT BURGER IS.
I’ll be back next week. Woo! Another burger kit is on the way…they’ll be calling me the Burger Princess at this rate. I wonder if Beatrice might want to come round for dinner?