Bleecker Burger

Darlings. You’ve heard of the Burger King? Well, I am turning into the Burger Princess. And this is my review of Bleecker Burger.

Gosh, two weeks in a row of eating burgers – I feel like I owe my stomach a month of rice cakes and salad. Thankfully I’m almost as skinny as Kate due to my rigourous indoor workout routine. Pow, as we say in my very exclusive gym after each push-up.

Since I started this pointless blog at the end of lockdown, about ordering restaurant kits to your home, which any sensible princess would have started at the beginning of lockdown, I have discovered a couple of websites that specialise in supplying restaurant kits from different independent restaurants.

And at the 3rd attempt of ordering, I can now introduce you to Great Food 2 U.

Urgh. Like, who uses “u” instead of “you” and “2” instead of “to” after the age of 13? Except Mother, but education wasn’t her forte. It reminds me of when I used to write “princess woz ere” on the park bench in Scunthorpe. And yes, I was 13. Scunthorpe is also not especially when known for entrants into University Challenge…or even for talented artists.

Any more problems apart from hating on the name? Oh yeah, you have to order by Sunday. For delivery on Friday.

Bleak nomenclature

The first time I attempted to order it was a Wednesday – alas there were no slots for that Friday. So I checked the week after on a Tuesday – again no slots. At which point I realised that you had to order by the Sunday…and who prepares their life that far in advance?

I wondered why on earth does it take 4 whole days to organise and prepare?

Perfection cannot be rushed…fuck I mean, can’t be rushed.

So if you can cope with clicking onto a website named with 2 and U, and organise your life by the Sunday, you’ll find quite a reasonably exciting range of options. Arepa & Co, White Men Can’t Jerk, Nanny Bill’s, Mother Clucker and my choice for the week…for the week after I ordered anyway, Bleecker. Bleecker Burger. And others I haven’t mentioned – go have a look urself.

Options from Bleecker Burger itself were 4 double cheeseburgers for £30, 2 double cheeseburgers for £21 or 4 cheeseburgers for £21. We were two of us so we went for the two double cheeseburgers.

Bleak Decimals

Great Food 2 U also offer the opportunity to add booze or dessert – we couldn’t agree on a dessert and neither of us wanted 4 desserts each so we skipped that, though we did add 4x Siren Soundwave IPA’s which came to £8.90. Oh and delivery was £5.00 on top of that. Hmmm should I have two decimal places or not?

Delivery was fine – Deliver Exactly were the courier…nope not heard of them either. I was a bit concerned when I got a text the night before suggesting a 9-6 timeslot, but thankfully I received a two hour timeslot in the morning, with a map so that I could follow the van get closer to me…and then further away…and then closer to me…and then further away.

Friday night came and we were ready to cook. Except…no instructions came with it. Good job I had made burgers the week before so I knew what to do…though my accomplice did find instructions on the Bleecker Burger website.

Four burgers in a frying pan – seasoning on top which came with.

Cheese added. Pow.

Burger buns in toaster – albeit we had 4 burger buns for 2 double cheeseburgers which was slightly confusing but not a problem.

And after around 10 minutes we had our burgers – plus my special homemade sweet potato wedges.

Not bad for a beginner, huh?

Bleak comparisons

It’s a bit lazy to compare to Honest Burgers where I had ordered from the week before, but I am going to compare to Honest Burgers where I ordered from the week before. Because my SEO plug-in tells me to, if nothing else.

The burger buns were decent, fresh but nothing out of the ordinary. The meat patties themselves were of good quality – quite crumbly in texture and the burger didn’t quite hold together so well as the Honest Burger – I succumbed to the crime of eating a burger with cutlery. I so need an emoji right now to express your shock and horror at my crime. Just pretend that you’ve seen me in Tesco not wearing a mask. Or even pretend that you’ve seen me in Tesco. Eurgh the thought of going into a Tesco with all the common folk. Pow.

Anyway, so the Bleecker Burger burger. We both liked it. We both thought it way too salty – assumedly from the seasoning and yes I did follow instructions.

Perhaps the cheese was a bit disappointing – which was just the standard plastic-like American burger cheese – which looks great when melted but does taste a bit of, erm, nothing.

Whilst we enjoyed it, neither of us were bowled away. It seemed like a very good “dirty burger” – yet our personal preferences are more towards something perhaps a bit more homely and I couldn’t help but compare it to Honest Burgers, which whilst not especially complex, did have much more variety of flavour and texture to this.

Bleecker Burger

Bleecker Burger will hit your dirty burger spot, but it isn’t a spot that I need hitting. And it was waaaaaaaaay 2 salty 4 U and ME.

Value for money: 6/10
Ease of cooking: 7/10
Delivery: 9/10
Quality Of Ingredients: 6.5/10
Originality: 2/10 (well…burgers are not very imaginative)
Flavour: 6.5/10
Wooness: 5/10

Overall this gives Bleecker Burger a score of 60% – a score far from bleak and healthy enough – certainly healthier than the double cheeseburger itself! I just wish I liked dirty burgers as much as I like watching my cleaner clean the bathroom.

If you want a dirty burger, than get to Great Food 2 U’s website and put in your order. By Sunday!

I’ll be back with a new review soon. Remember to love your letterbox. Not like that though.

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